Help! I am caught in the fast lane!

Did you ever feel like you are caught in "the fast lane" and there is no exit? Life moves at an extremely fast pace these days -- for example, challenged technologically sometimes, I am barraged by ads for "the fastest", "the best", and "the newest" gizmos, gadgets and wonders that are tauted as "must haves!" I don't own an Iphone, Ipad, Ipod or none of those I's! Besides their price .... I just don't seem to be interested in every bell and whistle that comes along....I love email and Facebook and social networking is my "friend." hehe! I love face-to-face or voice-to-voice conversation! Also, the written word is powerful! Texting has messed up my spelling (but that's another blog topic) LOL! I love to text except my fingers get fatigued :)

I worked for seven years on a computer helpdesk and was well over fifty when I took the job. It isn't over til it's over! I really fought myself and the attitude of incompetence for the first few months....the months turned into years and I still had a wall of post-its....cheat sheets and co-workers that I depended on when my memory was hiding too many facts below the top level of my brain! Recalling that the first few months, I came home everyday and cried and poured out my heart to God. He heard me and I was able to function and even RETIRE from that job successfully because I gave it everything I had and listened to Him....to not be discouraged!

I often asked, "Am I not able to perform what is asked of me?"

Performance was imprinted in my DNA. From the time I was little, I remember having to take lessons for everything from baton twirling and piano, to tap and ballet. It wasn't that I was trying to find my "niche" (I didn't even know what that word meant). It was that my mother and father wanted me to "be somebody." Wait a minute, I thought I WAS SOMEBODY!

There is a basket that appears in our brains that should read, "Please fill with ideas of who I should become and who I should NOT become" My basket was full of doubt, unworthiness and inadequacy. Everything I was forced to try didn't always produce a good result or a "famous" celebrity. My mother was all about celebrities. She based who you were by who KNEW "Who you were!"

I was shown through much effort and prayer what gifts I did possess and after several years of perseverance, I was able to hone them, use them and hopefully, encourage others with them! Working with senior citizens has been bittersweet. I've lost many of those dear sweet ladies just because of their demographic and health issues. I've helped many widows and even started a writing project which I hope to complete soon.

Single people whether by choice or not, divorce or widowed, have something very much in common -- Christ is our head....our leader -- embracing this has taken me a long time! I thought you had to have it all! Mate, fancy cars, houses and a healthy bank account. But God has shown me that He is my source for everything I need! He is my rock and salvation, my provider!

There is only one Person that can show me WHO I AM...and that is Christ! He got me out of the fast lane and said, "slow down" and listen to Me! I am your GPS and your conscience and your Guide! Stick with me and I will never steer you in the wrong direction.

At this time, I still get thrown into a cycle of doubt, depression and stress, but I call on the One who loves me (a DAUGHTER of THE KING)....He has guided my path way back when I didn't know a grapevine step from a shuffle-ball-change (dance terms)...

Dance through life, laugh often and share your gifts and talents with friends and family -- God gave us purpose, meaning and a definite reason for living -- Glorify Him and enjoy Him forever! And....in closing, if you end up in the fast lane of confusion or doubt, God allows you to make a u-turn and start over again!

Psalm 46:1 "God is our refuge and strength -- a very present help in trouble..."

Walk a Mile In Who's Shoes?

Ever suffer from an "envious" attitude? How many times have I heard, "I would just once like God to bless me with this or that." I'm sure many of us would relate to that comment. We've desired a bigger, better home, a fancier television, a car that didn't run on "a prayer"...There's nothing wrong with trying to achieve goals and improve one's living conditions -- However, it shouldn't become an obsession to want what someone else has just because they have it and we don't.

A great deal of envy is generated by the media which strives to make celebrities' lives appear "glamorous" and set up athletes as gods(lower case g), make everyone go into debt to acquire the newest and latest technological gadget and drive the car that has all the bells and whistles no matter how much it costs or the most lavish house on the block -- if the people around the corner have it SO CAN I!

Even when it comes to the weather, we are not content there! If it's cold for a succession of days, weeks and months, we are heard saying, "I sure wish it would warm up." Then, comes the summer and it's hot, then hotter and then the hottest season on record we say, "I wish it were cooler."

Discontent and envy -- something each one of us struggle with, sometimes on a daily basis. Our needs and wants are so interwoven, sometimes it's difficult to distinguish which is which!

As we settle into the new year ask yourself the following question: who's shoes do we walk in? Physically? Do you walk in shoes that you find comfortable or those that put a strain on your feet and legs? Do you wear shoes that are trendy? Shoes that serve a purpose for exercise?

Spiritually? Do you let God direct your path? Or do you stumble through trying to "measure up" to a someone else's expectations or life style? Remember all who walk life's journey take different steps, through different peaks and valleys -- Would you really want to try on their shoes? Maybe they seem prosperous on the outside, but inside there is an affliction, chronic illness or a dysfunctional family issue or some kind of secret addiction that isn't for all to view....

Let's "take steps" today to put on OUR OWN shoes but tread as He would have us tread! Prayerfully, considerate and always aware of another person's shoe may not be the "perfect" fit...

1 Timothy 6:6 "...Godliness with contentment is great gain."

The Final Countdown.....

2011 is about to disappear into the record books and off our calendars. 2012 is upon us and there are the "usual" subjects that appear in magazines, on talk shows and in cyberspace...."What are your New Year's resolutions???

As an older citizen of this planet I have decided not, I REPEAT, NOT, to do a resolution list for 2012. Never having been very consistent in that department, it seems a futile attempt at being optimistic and "trendy."

Instead, I wish to move forward into this new year with hopes that I can: 1) Keep my head above water (meaning just keep up with tasks at hand), 2) Spend more time writing, 3) Celebrate in my heart those things that give me joy and comfort and less on worry (which is a complete waste of time and energy), 4) Improve family ties and relationships and 5) Take time to refresh and renew my personal walk with He who created me!

Okay, so you're saying, "Wait, this IS a list of resolves!" Yes, I guess it is! The difference is in the terminology! To-ma-to or Ta-ma-to!

Counting down to 2012 will be different from other countdowns....there are many things that happened in 2011 that are best filed or compartmentalized in their 2011 box and put away in the archives, while other items will be talked about with family and friends or notated in a journal (cyber or hard copy).

How about the new 3r's -- Instead of READING, wRITING and aRITHMETIC, whatever your 2011 was....the clock is ticking -- REVIEW and REFLECT then REPLACE with the new year's experiences as they happen!

Take time to give thanks for the blessings you received in 2011 and look forward to all the blessings that 2012 will present.

Psalm 100:4 -- "Enter into His gates with thanksgiving, and into His courts with praise..."

Christmas Stockings -- What are they filled with?

Are Christmas stockings a tradition in your family? What items are stashed in those festive socks? candy? cookies? other items?

The stockings can be plain or fancy, decked with ribbons and gold, green or red, satin or felt.

For as long as I can recall as our family celebrated Christmas, we included the stockings in our festivities. Sometimes, we actually had a "fireplace" to display them, other times, they were tacked to the wall. They weren't filled until Christmas eve. (No peeking!) They always held BIG surprises!

Even the family cat and dog received a stocking full of appropriate treats!

That got me to thinking about what filled my "spiritual" stocking? faith? love? hope? or was it filled with sadness and loneliness? At this time of year, whether widowed or not, pressure to "give" surrounds us. Not the tangible gifting but the expectations of others to see us filled with "feelings of joy and happiness." No one should be sad on Christmas! No one should be isolated or alone during the holidays!

The pressures also of how much to spend on Christmas as become a real stress producer for most families. The stocking stuffers have gotten more expensive through the decades and the dollars don't go as far any more. I would recommend "sock simplicity" -- Whatever your family decides, try to focus on the get together and WHO it is that you are celebrating instead of how much everyone is going to "expect" to get. We are each blessed with a certain amount of income and I'm not a fan of credit so postponing payments on plastic is not an option -- therefore, I have what I have and not a penny more! (whew, got on my soapbox there).

Getting back to the stocking concept, in this new solitary life, my spiritual stocking seems as though at some point there's a hole in it. All the contents has spilled out and I'm left with nothing. Feeling tired and drained it's hard to imagine a stocking "full of laughter and celebration."

It takes prayer and acceptance of our situations (however different they may be) to move to a new place in our lives but we cannot do it on our own. The Ultimate stocking filler is Jesus! He will fill us with joy, comfort and peace in times of despair and loss. What a wonderful remedy for all that troubles us. Listen for that still voice and feel the goodness that springs out of His fountain of mercy!

Isa 9:6 "For unto us a Child is born, Unto us a Son is given..."

A True Life Preserver!

Have you ever had someone throw you into a swimming pool and say, "Sink or swim?" -- Okay, maybe nothing quite so extreme, possibly you were taking swimming lessons and the instructor told you to jump in and swim or jump off the diving board. For those with a fear of water, that first leap can be extremely unsettling.

When you lose someone, you are "diving in" to a new life (one without your loved one). Whether it is from a sudden loss or a chronic illness that removes that special loved one from your life, it takes its toll on you and your family.

The deep waters that I've encountered since losing Gene have been difficult and I felt lost, as if in "uncharted waters." The memories come as a flood sometimes washing me away in waves of feelings and at other times as a fountain raining down drop by drop.

People experience various losses through their lives...friends, family members and spouses -- who can define how deep the wounds are -- they are at such depths of human emotion that there is no way to measure -- my heart goes out to those that have recently lost loved ones and to those who have lost someone long ago -- the triggers are always there waiting for the time to hit their target and bring on tears and feelings of despair.

There is, however, a Life Preserver waiting to rescue you, to comfort you and to restore your life. His name is the Most High, the King, the Friend....Jesus. Calling upon His name and praying has helped me through some tough moments. There were times when I felt angry at having to be alone, upset with having to do everything myself! But He found His way into my very soul and comforted me and wiped away those feelings....once in awhile they pop up again but He is only a prayer away and it is there that I find solace -- the peace of God.

He will throw you a life preserver and will keep you from sinking if you call upon Him.

Philippians 4:7 "...and the peace of God which surpasses all understanding shall keep your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus!

Key"bored"

Today is one of those days when my fingers are too cold to move quickly over the keyboard, along with the fact that the thoughts don't always move through my brain with lightening fast speed! However, I got to thinking about how much time I spend in front of the computer. During the day I am frequently checking Facebook, emails and other important websites that involve one aspect of my life or another.

If I wasn't in front of the computer, what would I be doing? Reading? Cleaning? Shopping? Visiting? Exercising? Taking a class? or.......PRAYING?

How much time do I spend talking to God on a daily basis? Food for thought huh? Then I started thinking that through the day I am constantly talking to Him like He's here in person....not just the "out there in the cosmos" type -- but an "IN THE FLESH" person standing or sitting by my side. How much I adore that I can just talk freely to Him and not be hindered....oh sure if people heard me they would probably hasten me away to some place "where I couldn't hurt myself." -- But that is the way I communicate with my Heavenly Father.... by talking.

How do you communicate with Him? Do you have a formal time? Like when you arise in the morning or when you go to bed at night? Do you set aside a time during the day for some quiet moments with God?

We only have a certain amount of time on this planet and then "poof" we are gone! Make every day count -- God is my everything....without Him I would have given up many years ago.

So whatever you are doing, wouldn't it be a wonderful idea just to stop once in awhile and think and reflect yes, and EVEN TALK to God -- This is a very special season...but it's also very stressful and widows have an extremely hard time dealing with all the hustle and bustle of a full calendar or at the other end of the scale -- loneliness -- whatever your situation, tell Him how much you love Him and then give thanks to Him for bringing His Only Begotten Son into the world!

This post is a little more spiritual than most of my posts, but I felt it was important. Not everything that we do is meant to be in front of a "touch screen," or tablet, iPhone, or computer....

Just sayin'

God is our refuge .... Give thanks and rejoice!

Bolts and Nuts

Sometimes it hits me hard that I'm living el solo -- I share a place with family (my eldest son and daughter-in-law) but I still do a great deal on my own. During these two plus years of being widowed, I somehow got a "wee bit" independent. Still like making decisions, taking initiative and ownership over things (except when it comes to items in need of repair). That's where I draw the line (hopefully with a ruler and No 2 pencil).

The majority of time when things break, I am lost without my "fix-it" and "go-to" guy. He could fix almost anything with duct tape, wire hangers and a little "know how." Off he'd go fixing this and that with confidence and the look of accomplishment on his face.

After he passed away, I gifted friends and family with most of his more elaborate tools, however, I had enough sense to keep a plastic bin of items that might help me in a pinch!

I took so much for granted while he was on this earth -- like; fixing hoses, changing light bulbs (although he was vertically challenged), oil changes, fixing flat tires, hooking up washers, dryers and moving furniture. We were a TEAM, me handling finances, most of the "foo foo" stuff, he did all the mechanical and "manly" stuff. He was my "Tim the Toolman Taylor" guy! I miss him so much!

For instance, I purchased my license plate sticker weeks ago and it still sits on my bookshelf waiting to be stuck to the windshield of my 2000 Toyota. The registration sticker has expired and I realize, with reluctance that "today" is five days into the next month and TODAY's the DAY to "get r done" or possibly get a traffic ticket. So in this cold weather, I will venture out to my car and affix the sticker to the windshield, finally at the last minute!

Oil changes (well when my car sounds like a lawnmower) I go down to one of those "quickie" places and get that done. Tires go flat, I go to the tire place. Auto inspection is a real bad one for me because my engine light has been on for years...I just go get the code read, they dis-engage the light, I go back have it inspected and the moment I drive out of the parking lot the engine light (my old familiar friend) illuminates the panel once again. It takes money to get the real problem fixed so I just nurse it along chanting my normal mantra, "Gene where are you? You always fix these things for me."

These things just keep happening and I just move along day-by-day hoping for resolution to my fix-it problems. My windshield has been damaged since an ice storm way back when...and there is a new "ding" in it -- hoping and praying it will not spread....another bunch of buckage to be spent to get a new windshield...not that my late hubby could fix that, however, that would be his assignment, not mine!

This isn't meant to be a gripe session, just another thing to "factor in" to the widow dynamic! We don't know what (or in this case) WHO we've got until we lose them!

Treasure your time with your spouse. He may not always be there and you will be faced with things you don't like to do but will be FORCED to do!

Note: If you can learn now to check and add oil, learn to rotate a screwdriver, remove a tire (I haven't been able to do this yet -- wrists are too weak), hang a picture, change batteries, etc. it's a good time to start!

God is merciful, He is gracious and He provides for us....He also expects us to function on this planet and be stewards of what we have to take care of.

Each one of us has areas that we are responsible for and whatever that is we will have to learn new things.

Whether you have a large home or a small apartment, what are your challenges? Will you be able to fix these yourself?

Help is on the way!

Have the name and phone number of a good handyman.

Gather some tools such as; screwdrivers (both phillips and flat head) in several sizes, duct tape, hammer, assorted sizes of nails, picture hangers, pliers (needle nose and regular), power surge strips, batteries (triple A's through D's), flashlights, screws, nuts, bolts, socket wrench, wrench, level, thumbtacks, etc.

Acknowledge that you are somewhat challenged and don't try to fix something that is over your head...for starters, if it is something to do with electricity, don't go there! Call an electrician!

Water problem? Remember to turn off the water! Call a repairman at once! Don't go any further on that one.

1 Peter 4:10..."as good stewards of the manifold grace of God." Go ahead, take the plunge -- or plunger :)

That's all for now -- I must get out there and change the registration sticker on my car!